I was angry at her for not fighting back! She should have fought back! It was circa 1990 – 1992. My mother announced the diagnosis, just as when she diagnosed my monthly flow. The words flatly rolled out of her tongue: “Your sister has lupus.” What? I thought. I hadn’t even heard of this condition. Yet it was distinctly visible in my sister. Eyelids gorged with water. Clamped hands. Skeletal body filled with fat. Or was this the effect of her medications?
Beach days were gone forever. Ringlets of luscious hair would soon decorate her pillowcase. A pixie cut would soon decorate her head forever. She must have been in her late 20’s. Her boyfriend had been her boyfriend for 8 years. Consumed by work…by choice… it became her love affair. Years later she would confess that it was a career that fell on her lap. Fell on her lap? My mother, the ever present bundle of nerves, tried to convince her of alternative medicines. I was angry at her! She didn’t even try these methods. Lupus came at the right time. It gave her this cushion to lean on. As she always did when crossroads entered her life. My theory: she was at an unhappy place in her life. The symptoms began to manifest themselves physiologically. Doctor’s appointment diagnoses lupus. I was angry at her for not fighting back… and expecting others to do so!
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thequestfortheknightofcups 